The Beginning of the End - August 2008

Rea Bradley Ellithorpe (SGM Ret. US Army) 08/01/1955 - 08/17/2008


I have been attempting to write this blog post now for a week or more and today I am going to try to get through it.

One year ago yesterday, August 7, 2008 was "the beginning of the end" for my husband and I. I wish I could just sleep away this month of August.

We were planning our wedding for August 13, 2008 and he was admitted to the hospital on August 7, 2008. We didn't realize or want to even think of the possibility that he would never come home from that hospital trip.

August had always been a good month for both of us. His birthday is August 1st, mine is August 13th and 2 years earlier in August of 2006, we had starting living together and the date of our marriage was also going to be in August. Instead August has turned out to be a month I will now dread for the rest of my life.

We did go ahead with the wedding in his hospital room on August 15, 2008 with my daughter, my 2 grandchildren, my best friend of 40+ years there and a friend of my daughter's who married us. Considering how sick my Rea was and the pain he was in, we were both very happy and he suffered through the pain to make that day very special for both of us; especially for me because he always wanted me to be happy and looked out for me in every way possible. After the ceremony and everyone was gone, I could see the toll it took on him to try and ignore the pain. He was given some pain medication and I left my "new husband" to let him sleep.

I came back later in the evening to be with my new husband. I didn't care that ours was not a normal wedding, I was just so proud and happy to be Mrs. Rea Bradley Ellithorpe.

Saturday, August 16, 2008 was not a good day for Rea. I could see that he was exhausted, still in a great deal of pain and the fight for life was draining from him. He had told me when he first went in the hospital, that no matter what happened, he was going to hang on until we were married. I still did not want to believe that he would never come home with me.

He wanted his hair cut and I contacted his best friend Jerry who came and cut his hair for him on Saturday afternoon. They were able to spend some time together. Through the pain and agony, Rea and Jerry laughed and clowned around as they always had. Rea was exhausted and we left. I drove Jerry home and went home myself to get some rest. I was going back to the hospital the next morning, Sunday, August 17, 2008.

About 5 pm, August 16, 2008 Rea called and asked if I was coming back that evening. I just sensed something in his voice, so I drove back to the hospital to spend the night with him. Those last few hours between 6 pm, August 16, 2008 and 3:15 am, August 17, 2008 is something I have not and probably never will tell anyone exactly what happened. Those hours are mine and Rea's last moments together. My dear sweet baby passed away at 3:15 am on August 17, 2008.

I became a bride and a widow in a matter of a few days and entered the "widows fog" that still surrounds me from time to time. That moment of 3:15 am on Sunday morning, August 17, 2008 seems as if it happened only hours ago and then at times it seems as if it was a million years ago.

Would I do it all over again? You bet I would, even though the pain of losing him is as great today as it was that Sunday morning. Rea was the best thing that ever happened to me. We loved each other very much and we were good together. We had only about 4 years together but I would not change anything about those 4 years even to escape the pain I am feeling now.

My heart is hollow and empty. I feel I am just existing but I am attempting to go on with a different life without him physically being here, but he is with me always 24/7. One of his last wishes was that I go on to be there for our daughter and our 2 grandchildren and I will do that for him and for them.

I will finish this post with a poem I found a few days after:


Love Shared.
Listen for my whispers in the night as they come across the miles to where you sleep.
I will be the lightness in the dark to comfort you and hold you as you weep.
Never will you be alone again, for you hold a special place within my heart.
Always will you have a home with me, you are close to me e'vn though we are apart.
Forever in tandem, our lives are tied by a silver strand that crosses o’er the miles.
Sharing conscious thoughts and Godly faith we help each other find again our smiles.
© May1998Brenda "Rion" Sewell

All my love forever my dear sweet husband. Rest in Peace with no more pain and torment.

Mrs. Rea Bradley Ellithorpe

Memorial Day 2009

I have been thinking a lot in the last few days about Memorial Day and my husband. Although he did not die in action, he did die as a result of his 30 years of service to our country and our freedom, as did many, many other men and women.

I am so proud of my husband and the sacrifices he made. I always made a special effort to tell him how proud I was of him. I have also started at every opportunity that I can, to thank any one who is in the military or was in the military for their service and sacrifice too.

Until you live with someone who is in the military or has been in the military, you have no idea of the horrors and cruelty that they see and go through and are left to deal with the memories, most of the time on their own. These men and women relive these memories, sites and sounds in their minds over and over. It is something they can never really erase from their minds.

My husband told me of some of the things he endured, saw and had to do during his many years of service in the Army. I now have those visions engraved in my mind too. I did not live through those moments like he did but they are now with me forever as they were for him. Hearing the stories and living through it are totally different. I don't have the nightmares and the sleepless nights like he did but the visions I do have are real enough.

Every day we see on TV the things that our service men and women are going through but we just kind of pass the pictures on the screen out of our minds when the news report is over. They cannot do that.

On this Memorial Day, please take it upon yourselves to remember the ones we have lost and make a special effort to "THANK" the ones who have served and are still here with us. Please don't take for granted what their sacrifices provide to each and every one of us every day of our lives.

I thank each and every one of our service men and women who we have lost and those who are still protecting our freedom even now. May God be with you and protect you.

To my husband, Sergeant Major Rea Bradley Ellithorpe:

I miss you and love you now and always. I am so proud of you for the sacrifices that you made risking your life for our country and our freedom. I am also angry that this sacrifice has taken you away from me so soon.

Rest in Peace My Love. Your pain and torment is over now but my pain is still very real while trying to go on without you.

Part of me died with you that Sunday morning of August 17, 2008. My heart is always with you and you are always with me until we are together again.

Memories Of Sergeant Major Rea B. Ellithorpe