Medications to Cope With Grief - Yes or No?

There has been a lot of discussion lately on the Grief groups that I belong to concerning the use of medications while you are going through grief. I would say the opinions are about half and half.

Some believe that medications should not be used because it delays the grieving time and some believe there is nothing wrong in using medications to help you cope with the pain and grief you are going through.

While each of us grieve differently and have different opinions on the subject of medications, it ultimately comes down to what your doctor believes is best for you and your situation. Your doctor will know best, what medications you can be put on, if any and determine if an anti-depressant or an anti-anxiety medication will react in some way to other medications you may be already taking.

I suffer from clinical depression and have most of my life, so if I am to function at all through this time of my life, I have to take both anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. More than likely because I have a history of depression and anxiety, I will have to continue with medications for the long term.

Situational depression such as what people experience when they lose a loved one is most generally a temporary condition. You can choose to "suffer through it" or talk with your doctor about temporary help with medication. If you do not have a past history of depression, a short course of medication may help you through the rough times.

As with any anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication make sure you are closely monitored by your doctor. It is not advisable to simply stop these medications; you have to taper off of them gradually.

I believe it is firmly "embedded" in most people's minds that if you have to be on an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication that there is some kind of mental problem and they shy away from the idea of taking the medications. While clinical depression is a medical condition, it does not mean you are crazy or ready for a psychiatric ward.

My doctor explained "clinical depression" to me in this way:
Imagine you are driving on a road with lots of hills and valleys, you drive down into one of the valleys in the road and your car stalls. You cannot get it started to be able to continue with your ride. With clinical depression there are chemical imbalances that react somewhat in the same way. The chemicals in your body drop down and you are in one of those valleys and you are unable to bring yourself out of it without medicinal help.

Situational depression is a reaction to the death of a loved one, losing a job, an illness, children moving out of the house and many other reasons can cause situational depression.

If you are completely against medications to help with your depression and anxiety through your grieving process, Neil Nedley, M.D. has written a very interesting book if you are seeking an alternative to medications.

Dr. Nedley gives you a well-referenced, in-depth comprehension of how depression affects the person mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Depression: The Way Out

So whatever your beliefs are, remember you have to do what is best for you to get through this time of grief.

If you are trying to deal with your grief on your own, there are plenty of Yahoo Groups that you can join to talk with people who are going through the same thing that you are and know exactly what you are feeling.

The two internet grief support groups that I recommend and belong to are:

GriefShare

Veterans Widows

I am lucky to have the support of my daughter, son in law and my two grandchildren and close friends but I also needed to talk with people who were feeling the same as I was.

I don't think I would have made it as far as I have without the support and comfort from the people in both of these groups and I thank each and every one of them for being there for me when no one else was able to be around.

Major Decisions

No matter what your circumstances are, you have suffered a great loss that has altered your life forever in so many ways. There are so many decisions to be made and it can be a daunting task without help and support and living through the shock and "fog" that seems to surround you. You begin to question your own sanity and wonder if you will ever be able to make a rational decision again…ever.

If at all possible DO NOT make any major decisions for at least a year. There may be circumstances beyond your control that would necessitate making a decision because of financial and/or other reasons. Seek advice from someone you trust and try to make the best decision that you can at the time.

In my case I had to make two major decisions within a couple of months after losing my husband, Rea. One was to find another job as I had been laid off about a month after my husband passing away. The other major decision I had to make was to move to a different apartment. I could no longer afford “our home” on my own income. These were two more traumatic experiences I had to endure in the middle of the most traumatic time of my life.

I hate to use the word "lucky" in writing about the loss of a loved one but if you are "lucky" enough to not have to work and are able to stay in your home if you choose and not have to make any type of major decisions, take this time to let yourself heal.

If you find yourself in a position where you have to move to another home or even move in with relatives, life can be more stressful at this time for everyone involved and your recovery may take longer. I also do not like the word recovery.

You will never recover to the point of "life as you knew it" before this event. I should use the word adjust because that is what you are learning to do; adjust to a new you and a new life without your loved one by your side.

I will admit I am having a hard time dealing with the loss of my husband and I don't have all of the answers; I don't think anyone does. I try to take the advice of many members of my GriefShare Yahoo Support Group to get through this time of grief and rediscovery of myself and a new way of living. It seems for every one step forward I take, the next day I will have taken three steps backwards again. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel; I just haven’t seen it yet.

Try to remember:

Unless absolutely necessary, DO NOT make any major decisions for a year.

Take the time you need for yourself; cry, rant, rave and talk to someone.

Join a support group to help you through this time with people who know exactly what you are going through.

If at any time you have thoughts of "joining your loved one", please seek help immediately. Call a friend, get with your support group or even go to an Emergency Room. Your loved one would not want you to harm yourself in any way. You have to live on to keep their memory alive and be proud of knowing and loving them and the time you had together.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. (I have to work on this one myself).

As always, I am here for support and sure could use some myself at times. You can email me at: Grief - Life During and After