A Memorial to My Husband

Saturday, February 14, 2009

There Is No Time Table for Grieving

There is no set time limit to your grief. Some people may start to recover in as little as three months or six months and some may still be grieving a year after or even longer. Don’t let anyone tell you “It’s time to move on”.

Your grief and loss is your own and no one else’s. Just because their lives have continued on as if nothing has happened, yours hasn’t. Something major and life changing has happened to you and your total way of life as you know it.

Maybe you are a younger person whose life was just starting with that special someone. You both had so many plans, hopes and dreams for the future that will no longer be. Maybe you find yourself now as a single parent wondering, "What do I do now and how can I go on?". Or you may be like myself, a little older and finally found love again and it has been taken away from you.

The shock and the "fog" you are living in right now is nature’s way of protecting you from the harsh reality of what has happened. As you begin to heal some of the reality of the event and the impact it is having on your life seeps in a little at a time as you are able to deal with it.

There will be days of non-stop crying and days where you will not cry at all and think that you are all "cried out" but then something will happen to trigger those emotions all over again. Don’t suppress the need to cry. Even though it is exhausting, it is also a part of the healing process to "get it all out".

Many times I have wanted to scream, cry and break everything in the house but then I would hear my husband’s voice telling me, "You will have to clean it up" and I stop thinking about breaking things. I sometimes wonder if I could have dealt with things better if I had broken a few dishes to vent my anger and frustration of being left alone.

To quote from another website on grief:

Time does not heal in itself

"It is what you do with it, and it is important to remember that the length of the course of grief is not a sign of weakness. Each person will be unique in their time of grieving." Reflections on Death

Remember, take some time for yourself. If you need to:
1. Sleep.
2. Cry.
3. Break things, unless you hate cleaning it up afterward.
4. Talk a walk,
5. Listen to music.
6. Talk with a friend.
7. Find a support group either locally or online.


You need to take the time YOU need to heal without anyone putting any "time limits" on your grieving.

Take care.

As always, I am here for support. You can email me at: Grief - Life During and After

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